My ex wants me back home in France: what can I do?

You left the home, or you ended the relationship. Since then, your ex wants you back and says so in texts, calls, sometimes in front of the children. You hesitate, you feel guilty, or you are afraid. A lawyer reviews your situation in 20 minutes on Avocat20min.fr.

This article helps you see clearly: your rights under French law, the line between insistence and harassment, the evidence to keep and the protection a judge can grant.

If you are afraid right now

Your safety comes first. If your ex wants you back and threatens you, waits outside your home or follows you, these numbers answer:

Number	What for	When
17 or 112	Police or gendarmerie, immediate danger	24/7
114 (text)	Raise the alarm in writing when you cannot speak	24/7, free
3919	Violences Femmes Info, listening and guidance, anonymous	24/7, free
116 006	Victim support, advice and help	Every day, 9 am to 8 pm, free
3114	Suicide prevention, if you or your ex are in distress	24/7, free

3919 is not an emergency line. In danger, call 17 or text 114 with your name, your exact address and the reason.

My ex wants me back: can I say no?

Yes, always. Nobody can force you to resume a relationship, or to return to a home you have left.

Marriage does create a "community of life" between spouses (Article 215 of the Civil Code). But no judge forces a spouse to come back. If you are married, leaving the home is not a criminal offence. It may only count later in a divorce, and fear or violence justifies it.

With a PACS (civil partnership) or an unmarried couple, the question does not even arise: the breakup is enough. A PACS ends by a one-sided declaration served by a commissaire de justice (court enforcement officer).

Saying no needs no long explanation. One clear written sentence is enough: "I will not come back. Please stop contacting me, except about the children." Keep a copy. It marks the moment your ex knows the requests are unwanted.

Pushing, blackmail, threats: where is the line?

An ex who wants you back and asks a few times commits no offence. Things change when the messages never stop, when they keep you from living normally, or when they contain threats.

The French Criminal Code covers several behaviours common after a breakup. These penalties also apply when the offender is a former spouse, partner or cohabitant (Article 132-80):

Behaviour	Article	Maximum penalty
Repeated malicious calls or messages	222-16	1 year and €15,000, 3 years and €45,000 within a couple
Harassment by an ex that harms your health	222-33-2-1	3 years and €45,000, 5 years and €75,000 if over 8 days' incapacity or a child witnessed it
Repeated or written death threat	222-17 and 222-18-3	5 years and €75,000 within a couple
Threat with a demand ("come back or I...")	222-18 and 222-18-3	5 years and €75,000 within a couple
Tracking your location without consent	226-1	2 years and €60,000 within a couple

Harassment between former partners carries up to ten years if it leads the victim to suicide or attempted suicide.

Blackmail with suicide or the children

"If you don't come back, I'll kill myself." These words weigh heavily, but you are not responsible for another adult's life. If you believe the danger is real, call 3114 or 15 for them, then stick to your decision.

"You'll never see the kids again." Only the family judge (juge aux affaires familiales) decides where children live and visiting rights. Such a threat has no legal value, and it can serve as evidence of pressure.

When your ex wants back into the home

Sometimes your ex wants you back in a literal sense: they want to move into the home you now live in. Their rights depend on your situation:

• Married: the family home stays protected until the divorce settles it. One spouse cannot deprive the other of it alone. The family judge assigns the home in the interim divorce measures (Article 255 of the Civil Code).
• Lease in both names: each remains a tenant. Changing the locks without a court decision can lead to prosecution.
• Home in your name only: an ex who is neither married to you nor co-tenant has, in principle, no right to enter against your will.

Where there is violence, the protection order in principle gives the home to the victim, even after a stay in emergency housing. Our article on the ex who refuses to leave the home covers each case.

The children in the middle

When your ex wants you back "for the children", keep one rule in mind: both parents keep parental authority after separating. Your ex may see the children, but may not use them as messengers or as leverage.

Without agreement, the family judge sets residence, visiting rights and child maintenance. Our guide to child residence and shared custody explains the judge's criteria. Where there is violence, handovers can take place at a supervised contact centre or with a trusted third party.

Keep evidence, even without a complaint

Your ex wants you back and you do not yet know what you want to do. Keep the traces anyway: they commit you to nothing.

1. Take screenshots of messages, with the date, time and number or account visible.
2. Keep a log of each call, each visit outside your home, each threat, with the date.
3. Save voicemails and emails off the phone, somewhere your ex does not know about.
4. Ask for written statements from relatives or neighbours who saw or heard.
5. See a doctor if the situation stops you sleeping or working. The certificate records the effect on your health.

Also change your passwords and check location-sharing apps on your phone.

Police log, complaint or protection order?

If your ex wants you back and uses threats, three tools exist, and they can be combined.

The main courante (police log) records facts without starting a prosecution. It dates events, but it does not protect you.

A complaint is filed at a police or gendarmerie station, or by letter to the public prosecutor. Since 4 October 2023, some public hospital emergency departments and maternity wards also take complaints from victims of domestic violence. The prosecutor decides what follows, up to trial before the criminal court.

The protection order comes from the family judge (Articles 515-9 onwards of the Civil Code). You can ask for it without a prior complaint, even against an ex you never lived with. The judge rules within six days of setting the hearing date and can, among other things:

• forbid your ex from contacting you or going to certain places;
• give you the home and organise arrangements for the children;
• allow you to keep your address secret;
• order an anti-approach bracelet, with both parties' consent.

The measures last up to twelve months, and breaching them carries three years in prison and a €45,000 fine. In serious and immediate danger, the prosecutor can also request an immediate provisional protection order, issued within twenty-four hours. Our article on ex harassment and the protection order explains the steps.

What a lawyer adds

You can say no alone, block a number alone, file a complaint alone. A lawyer becomes useful when your ex wants you back relentlessly, when the pressure lasts, when children are involved or the home is at stake.

The lawyer sorts the evidence, drafts the protection order request and attends the hearing with you. They also prepare what comes next: divorce, children's residence, sharing property. No lawyer can guarantee a decision, but they avoid procedural mistakes.

The judge can grant provisional legal aid (aide juridictionnelle) in the protection order itself. In 2026, aid is full for a single person whose reference taxable income does not exceed €12,957. A family law lawyer answers in 20 minutes.

The official service-public page on domestic violence lists the numbers and steps.

Other separation situations

An ex who wants you back is often only one of the questions a breakup raises. Our other guides:

• My ex refuses to leave the home
• Ex harassment: messages, complaint and protection
• My ex won't return the children
• Moving abroad with the children
• My ex emptied the joint account

For debts left after the breakup, see also who pays the couple's debts.